Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another,
a practiced man relies on the language of the first [the eyes].” Studies
continue to show that nearly 90 percent of all successful communication is
dependent on eye contact and movement, tone of voice, posture, hand gestures,
dress, and facial expressions.
Components of human interaction
Both face-to-face and digital communications make up
different components of human interactions. So, ask yourself the following
questions to determine the most appropriate method: Do you need one- or two-way
communication? Is the content confidential? Is speed an issue? Is a certain
type of feedback needed or required? Is your communication formal or
informal?
Face-to-face
(FTF)
Think for a moment about successful presidential candidates such
as John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama. All were
known for their relaxed, personable, and approachable demeanors. Also-rans such
as Michael Dukakis, Bob Dole, John McCain, and Mitt Romney had stiff body
language. When Barack Obama debated Hillary Clinton, she chopped the air with
one hand, then the other in order to make strong points. Obama raised his left
hand, extended his index finger and thumb, and seized the moment to turn the
tide of the conversation. He was thought to be less aggressive, more relaxed,
and more approachable. Positive body language wins elections, wins employment, wins
sales, and wins friends.
On a more personal level, perhaps you recall going into your favorite store
where the people who worked there recognized you as you walked through the door.
You knew each other’s names. You shared a welcoming smile, small talk, and
often asked about each other’s families or recent holidays. Those brief personal
meetings made you feel connected to each other in a very personal and emotional
way. Personalization and emotions are what define our humanity. FTF
communication is preferable when you need to
·
Have a give-and-take (two-way) conversation
·
Hash out an agreement or discuss sensitive
issues
·
Seal a high-stakes deal
·
Have a confidential conversation
·
Make sure there are no misunderstandings
·
Build relationships and develop networks
·
Let people know they’re important
·
Build credibility and trust
·
Promote a positive climate
·
Encourage teamwork
·
Validate if people are in agreement
·
Communicate bad or negative news
·
Energize others
If an in-person, FTF
connection isn’t possible, consider Skype, FaceTime, or any other technology
where you have visual cues. A secondary option may be the phone; you can learn
a lot more from a person’s voice than you can from a digital message.
Typeface (or digital technology)
In today’s society, it’s hard to go anywhere without seeing people using
their smartphones to text, tweet, email, and frequent social networks. We live
in a world where communication through typeface is almost required. It
provides for faster and more efficient ways to communicate. However, many
professionals are complaining that our new digital skills have had a negative
impact on our ability to communicate personally, clearly, and reflectively. Digital
messages are abbreviated and impersonal. They are often thoughtless and lead to
misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and drama among friends and colleagues. People
have tried to simulate facial expressions by adding emoticons, bold, color,
italics, and avatars, but none of them can replace the message you get by seeing
someone’s facial expressions. Digital communication is preferable when you need
to
·
Send a quick reminder
·
Confirm details of a complex FTF
or phone meeting
·
Make a straightforward request and announcement
·
Share information that doesn’t require a discussion
·
Communicate after your normal business hours
across the continent or globe
·
Schedule meetings
·
Create a permanent record or paper trail
·
Ask a quick question
·
Give a simple answer
·
Get something out quickly when FTF
may take too long to arrange
·
Send a thank you (And don’t forget handwritten
notes for special occasions.)
Perceiving body language
See how well versed you
are in the art of reading body language. Although body language is often
determined by culture, what hints do the items in the numbered list suggest in
the United States? Select from Aggressive, Defensive, Nervous, Bored, Interested, or Confident.
1. Firm
handshake
2. Overly
firm handshake
3. Weak
handshake
4. Drumming
fingers
5. Crossed
arms or legs
6. Avoiding
eye contact
7. Downcast
eyes
8. Standing
too close
9. Leaning
slightly in
10. Leaning
slightly away
11. Looking at
clock
12. Hunched
shoulders
13. Hand to
cheek
14. Confident
stance
15. Finger
pointing
16. Tilted head
17. Prolonged
tilted head
18. Brisk,
erect walk
Answers: A-C, 2-A, 3-N, 4-B, 5-D, 6-N, 7-D, 8-A, 9-I, 10-D,
11-B, 12-D, 13-I, 14-I, 15-A, 16-I, 17-D, 18-C.
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